I had a dream.  I saw myself running up a mountain directly from my backyard.  I didn’t want to have to hike to the mountain or to run to it or to drive to it or to even walk to it.  I wanted to exit my back door, look up and start going up.  If I had that mountain, I’d do that every day.  It would be my workout too.  I would go up as fast as I could. I’d go up that mountain with my heart leading me all the way.

If I could run fast enough and high enough, maybe my body would continue on into the heavens and there I’d see Grant again.  I could converse with him, see him, and feel him again.  Maybe if I just run fast enough, yeah.  If I am going to run, my direction has to be up, the higher the better.  Worst case scenario, if I stay planted on this earth, I’d get a killer workout every day.

 Then, I’d return to my house, walk directly into my kitchen, and look back through the windows in the kitchen at the mountain I just conquered.  Every day.  I’d do it every day.  Come rain or shine, snow or clouds, I’d do it.  See, If I’m going to go out and do a workout, I can’t go to the gym and leave all my kids at home.  I need to be close and if I have a mountain, even if I have 10 minutes, I can run up it and back down and be right there for my kids, while still taking care of myself.  I need that. 

So, I’ve been looking for that mountain.  For a house that I could make my home that happens to have a mountain in the backyard.  A place where I could start over, start my new life, be the new me. I’m the one that was born the day Grant died, because he wasn’t the only one who died that day, the old me died too.  For me to be me, I need a fresh start. I need a place to call my own and a place to be all mine.

I need a place where I know I can raise my boys.  The right place for them and the right place for me.  A place of quiet, a place of healing, a place that’s elevated above the city, so I can look out and over it and just watch.  I need a place where the boys would have a good school and good friends and good people.  It’s a lot to ask, I know. And I actually found it.  Why? Because it was my dream, and I don’t give up on my dreams.  Ever. 

Sometimes dreams change though.  The whole dream I had for my life changed when my partner died.  Everything I had planned for was no longer possible the way we dreamed it. Everything shifted and had to.  But I don’t give up on dreams, even when they can’t come true. I still believe in the dream, not in ‘can’t’.  I just change them to can and go on.  That way my dreams always come true.  I want to be a dream maker in this life.  I like that, I’m a self-proclaimed,  ‘Dream Maker.’ 

I don’t want to look back on my life and see broken dreams.  I’m ok to see the broken path that led from one dream to another for each one of those dreams I created. I’m open to experience how each path is blessed by God, each day, and every day, Trusting in that means it will always look different that you plan for or expect and yet, God was there, is there.  They have been leading me from one place to the next, yes They the masculine and the feminine, those are two and they make They.  Always God and me.  That’s how I know God is blessing the broken path that leads to all my dreams.

I know what I saw in my dream. I saw a mountain in my backyard.  So, when I saw this particular house, with acres and a mountain, I knew I was home. When I pulled into the driveway, for the first time, I felt for the first time, had just come home.  I felt the sanctity of where I was in that moment.  I was supposed to be there, if I wanted it of course. I always get to choose.  God doesn’t tell me where to go, just leads me and lets me choose.  I then choose. 

I told God what I wanted and They showed me where to find it.  I’m here now in my house with a mountain in my backyard.  Today, the first day after moving here and all the craziness of getting settled, I ran up my mountain.  I’m still in my backyard. As I look over the valley and see my home and so much more; I know home is all around me as I climb higher each day, physically and metaphorically.

I feel the Heavens close each time I run up the mountain. I feel a little closer to that beautiful sky above me and when I reach my hand up toward the sky, sometimes it feels as if I can feel another hand reaching back and touching mine.  That’s not a dream, it feels as real as if you took my hand right now. 

I had a dream.  Today is the reality of it, as I return to my house, walk directly into my kitchen, look back through the windows in my kitchen at the mountain I just conquered with a baby on my back.  Today is the first day of my new every day. Thanks God, for giving me one of my dreams!  What’s next?  I can’t wait to discover it with you.