Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
I Knew Before I Knew
It was 9:30pm on July 29th. He’d promised to be home by 9:30. I looked at my phone as I snuggled in my bed with my 8 year old. He played Zelda and I read my book.
My Mom Said I Would Die Young…
I like to say we went on our first date to Hawaii. It’s not totally true, but it is where we had our first kiss. It was the best first kiss I’d ever had, so I decided it would be perfect to end dating with the best and make it my last first kiss.
Grant Lived for Tomorrow
Grant grew up really poor. His clothes all came from a second hand store. For breakfast when he was young, his family had oatmeal with powdered milk diluted by half to stretch it to last longer.
Grant’s Truck
We pulled into the garage of the house we’d lived in when he died. There it was, parked as it had been the night the police officer drove it back and parked it there. The baby instantly recognized it. “Daddy’s truck is here!” he said, then… “is daddy here?” Nope, daddy’s not here. Daddy died. That conversation again.
Grant’s Shoes
I finally picked up Grant’s clothes from the mortuary. I had wanted them immediately, just to see if there was anything left of the essence of his life on the clothes he died in. The plastic cleaners bag told me, they didn’t give them to me till they’d been dry cleaned.
Just After Dead
Within 4 hours of finding out Grant was dead, I sat down to write. I had lost my bearings. The kids were asleep, the unaware sleep of ignorance to our new reality. I was alone and I had no idea how I was going to do this upcoming day.
