Running Away

My body told me to run everyday for 10 minutes. 10 minutes is something I can do. The beautiful thing about 10 minutes is it’s so underwhelming that once I start, cause starting is the hard part, I don’t want to stop after 10 minutes and if I do, I can.

Ok, let’s back up. My body told me? Yes. How do you hear your body? Did you know it’s always talking to you? It’s in constant communication with you and it’s your choice to listen.

Do you know how to listen? For me, I hear the call when I tune in, a thought comes to my mind. Today it was, “Run for 10 minutes” a direct instruction as I was thinking…

What does my body need? And why? I come to understand the why. Because as I run, I can finally run away. This is the thing I want to do everyday. Run away from this life, my responsibilities, my hurting heart, the grief I can’t really feel because the noise of 4 little boys who need their mamma is so loud it’s hard to hear the call of feeling.

And maybe I don’t want to. The feelings are so big, so hard, so painful. How can I face them? So I want to run away, but I can’t. I’m committed and I won’t stop, even when he did.

That doesn’t make me strong. No, it just shows me my own integrity. That I’m still here, even when I want to run away, that shows me who I am. I’m happy with that. But I still want to run away.

So that’s what I do, for 10 minutes a day. It feels so good and for just a moment I feel free. My legs carry me away from my house and back again.

My heart pounds and my headphones blare the words to songs that heal my heart. So now, instead of dreaming for the moment when I can finally lay my head down and rest, in sleep where it all goes away till I wake up again; I run for 10 minutes.

When I get back, I feel alive and even the words to the songs keep me going, sometimes healing my heart, other times making me cry. It’s a sight I’m sure, to see a woman running with her heart leading because that’s what I’m following, my heart.

Imagine, tears streaming under her sunglasses and her singing along to a song no one else but she can hear. It sounds like a perfect description of my life.

I run and I feel free. I feel like I’m flying and my feet may be off the ground. I find myself looking down, checking to see if my feet are making contact with the ground. They are.

I can barely feel it though. That's good, the less I feel the better. Not really, but when it comes to contact with the ground, I like to feel light.

My body is amazing. Thanks body, for telling me what I need. It’s healed me in so many ways. My heart is physically stronger. It has healed and feels better. I love myself when I run. I come home and love my babies better. My body told me what my heart needed to heal. I listened.

I keep listening and keep following. Each day gets better and better. The more I run, the more I feel my heart responding. I'm not just talking in it’s increased pumping as I move ahead. I’m moving forward, my heart is growing, and I feel.

Thank you body for having the courage to tell this girl who hated running to run. Thankyou for letting those miles beneath my feet give my heart the care it needs. You’re wisdom is divine. I’m listening.