Stop To Create More

I know a man who doesn’t believe in God.  There is no life after this one in his mind. I’ve come to a different conclusion, I’ve experienced life after this one, not myself, but through death, Grant’s death. 

This guy, he takes good care of himself, and he seems happy.  You can tell he’s got life orchestrated and knows how to create.  Yes, he has his pain too, but both the good and the hard motivate him.  He shows up to work on my new house, the one I bought because Grant died.  He helps me fill my need to create my own new life and learn how to orchestrate it.  This new house and life have shown me so much more perspective about myself and others.

What I’ve seen in the past working with contractors is, they do the job and leave.  There’s always some amount of mess.  It’s part of enjoying your newly done project.  You get to clean up too.  But not this time, this contractor cleans up every day.  He does all the little things to help, the things that aren’t part of his job; like cleaning up garbage that got blown all over the yard the morning after a windstorm. 

He goes above and beyond.  He creates beauty and the beauty of who he is expands.  He attracts goodness and creates a brightness wherever he is and that attracts.  His actions are certainly attracting the attention of the heavens, because the light he carries is visible.  He doesn’t do it for that attention though, not the heavens.  He doesn’t believe They are watching.  No, he does it because it’s the right thing.   That’s authentic. 

This contractor, helping me create this in my home, he’s got a radiance to him that is visible.  It’s in how he walks with a bounce in his step and a hustle in his pace. He’s got purpose.  He loves the outdoors and fully enjoys mountains and rock climbing. He explores these in his leisure time. I notice it creates life in him; then he comes to work with more life in him.  It’s beautiful to see this in someone.  He interacts with kindness and responds with love. 

My little baby is home with me while our contractor and others work.  My son stops our contractor to ask him questions. Day after day as he’s working intently on the remodel of our house and my boy does this. When my little boy toddles up to ask him questions, the kind of questions baby’s ask, he stops.

This contractor answers my baby’s questions, always giving his time. He stops and shows kindness. He treats my child as if he’s an important person, not just a baby who’s trying to distract him. He never treats my boy as someone who he needs to get out of the way so he can get back to work.

My baby boy responds with joy and I can see he feels important.  His eyes light up and then, he happily scurries off to the next thing in his little baby life.   My baby boy’s existence has been validated not shunned away by this contractor.  It wasn’t an experience for any of us where this man felt annoyed because he was interrupted from his important job, got distracted nor wasted time trying to get a little boy out of his way. 

I’ve noticed people’s behaviors many times when a curious little one is accosting someone with their cuteness and curiosity, and yes, interrupting them.  I see the mom or dad run over to the baby and shoo the baby away or scooping them up and apologizing to the stranger or ‘important person’ for the inconvenience.  They say to the baby, ‘honey we don’t talk to people we don’t know, or don't bother them, they don’t know, or even stop asking.’

It’s always, ‘Don’t, stop and sorry.’  The baby knows something is wrong and begins to stop following his natural curiosity and innocent impulse.  The baby learns to not want to ask, but instead fear begins.  The baby starts depending on mom or dad to know what to do rather than what their natural intuition inside tells them.  Baby then starts relying on mom or dad, ‘they'll tell me what to say, or mom will answer for me if I ask a question, so I don’t need to speak. The thought  ‘I’m not important,’ starts there. 

Here I see my baby boy isn’t searching for or begging for importance, he already feels it. He can move on to his next little baby project and our contractor can move on to his next big man project.  It only took a moment away from the ‘important’ work of building our house. Both boys then went on to their work. Both were happy and both were getting more done. 

The baby didn’t hang around begging for acknowledgement as he looked for connection with a man.  He needs that, his daddy died.  While this man isn’t his dad, he is someone my baby wanted to connect with and this contractor didn’t feel frustrated by his interrupting.

He was getting interrupted by my baby and I knew that’s not his responsibility.  Still, he saw this little guy. He acknowledged a need for just a moment rather than ignoring the baby which would just prolong my baby’s pleas for attention and connection.  And ya know what? I don’t want to stop him from asking. If I tell the baby, don’t bother him, I’m saying to him what you need isn't important, and it is.  I allow it and watch.  What I see is this beautiful demonstration of allowing life to flow. 

I then see the lesson.  You make time for the little important things first and the big important things get done too and faster.  Stop what you think is important and do what really is important.  You’ll get more and you’ll give more and you’ll feel more and you’ll see more. 

Then I think of my boys.  How many times have they come up to me and said, “Mommy! Play mommy monster with me.  Or let’s read a book!” My response is ok, let me just finish this and then we will.  Then, ‘then we will’ doesn’t happen.  We forget and it doesn’t happen.  Or I finish and the moment is lost, they don’t want to play anymore or are off doing something else. The moment gets lost, gone forever.  My sweet little boy was asking for what he needed.  That is the most important thing is my boy asking for what he needs.

When I put moments with my boys off for something that I can’t even remember what it was anymore, we all lose.  I remember I didn’t read the story or play mommy monster and chase the boys around growling and listening to their cries of joy and glee as they run away from me hoping I'll catch them. 

At this point is when I remember Grant and how he asked me to come see his project downstairs, “Yeah ok, when I’m finished with dinner.”  “Come see this explosion outside!” He’d exclaim and I’d say, “I’ve already seen it explode the last 20 times. I’ve got to finish this other project.” 

Now, I see his videos of these projects and I just wish that one more time he’d ask me because now I’d come running.  I’d stop everything and say YES!  I’d love to.  I’d see his eyes light up as I exude my interest and he’d light up with joy.  The memory of his eyes fading just a little when I said ‘ after I finish’ and then he didn’t feel important would disappear. I’d be with him.  He’d be with me, just one more time. 

I see this all in the way someone else shows up for my kid.  A lesson I see because I’m watching now and really seeing.  When you see truly, you know that what you have is not forever.  Now we need someone else to show up for us.  I can’t give my kids the connection of a man, so we depend on the good men of the world to show love to kids they don’t have any responsibility for. 

And me, learning from this example, well now I remember to stop.  When I stop I see the moments that are right now. I don’t miss them as much anymore.  And you, little man, my baby, I see you.  We play and tickle and laugh.  As a mom, I do more than a mom is required because it’s the right thing to do and, it’s where the best part is.  The little things to go above and beyond with a happy face, that’s what creates the magic of life. 

These 4 little men I’m raising, well, they’re really raising me. They are living proof that their dad did once exist. Here I am with the opportunity to give them what I now regret not giving their dad.  Our time with him is over and what we did is what is.  Now is all we have, so I go play with the boys now.  They won’t ask me forever. 

They’ll stop asking and when they’re gone and it’s quiet, I don’t want to regret missing a moment that would be a beautiful memory in favor of getting something done that really isn’t important. I want to take the opportunity to create more life.

That’s a true blessing and the heavens smile on that.  They are watching and we are creating the memories that will be ours forever. They are forged from the core of our being and who we are, because that’s how we show up. It is what lives on in you forever, no matter what your beliefs are.