Allowed Me To Live

Our business, the channel on Youtube: TKOR or The King of Random has allowed me to be a mom to my kids. I had to go to work to provide for our family but I had the time and freedom to do it through my grief because of the channel.

It’s part of what is a lot to deal with while so overcome and overwhelmed. It’s allowed me to move my family and buy a house. It’s allowed me to do the logistical things that are needed to get done to get through life.

If I could do those things and do them when I was at my weakest, then I can do them anytime. If not, then I would probably just be a ball wrapped up in bed in my covers all day. If I didn’t need to manage the channel, the children and life; I probably would have melted into my bed at this point.

You know, my kids deserve a mom that’s gonna be there for them especially after they’ve lost their dad. I recognized this fact early on. It has driven me to get up, get to it and to figure out how. Sometimes figuring out just how to get up out of bed and feed my children.

That’s a heavy burden for anyone to bear. It’s relentless and in the face, but I also don’t want for my precious children to have to lose something else, me. I don’t want them to lose anything else, but losing the only parent they have left does not feel like an option for me.

And for me to not be me is another loss that I don’t want them to have to face. So, I have learned how to manage, how to move in the face of overwhelming sadness, to fight when I feel almost dead already. I live: better, stronger, more, more capable and with new found ways to live life.