Letting Go Of Expectations
Learning how to let go of expectations - especially positive outcomes - has completely transformed my life. I used to clutch my expectations so tightly and obsess over my desired outcome. More often than not, however, I found myself feeling disappointed instead of living with authenticity.
I don’t think that having expectations or desired outcomes is necessarily a bad thing, but I’ve learned how to not let them control my mood, my day, or my life. I used to want everything to turn out good and avoid the bad at all costs. Now, I’m making a real effort to eliminate these words from my mind when I’m thinking about outcomes. Instead, I’m learning to see everything in life as an experience. Not good or bad. Just an experience. Now, I find myself feeling free.
How Expectations Influence Our Life
How Expectations and labels of “good” and “bad” have too much power over our lives. If our expectations are not met, we are usually disappointed. If we are having a “bad time” when we think we are going to have a “‘good time” we are likely going to be unhappy. If we allow expectations to rule our lives, we will only be happy when our expectations and realities align.
But what does “good” and “bad” mean, anyway? A “good” outcome to me might be an awful outcome for another person; what I think is a lovely experience might be someone else’s idea of a downright bad time, and vice versa. This realization has led me to view all of life’s experiences objectively.
I don’t believe in “good” or “bad” anymore. Sure, I still use those words occasionally, but not with the same belief that my experiences or outcomes will be a certain way. I don’t give the words “good” and “bad” any power anymore.
I realize now that all experiences are just experiences. Some are more enjoyable, desirable, and comfortable, but that doesn't necessarily make them “good,” just as the ones that are the contrary are not “bad.” They just are.
Living Without Expectation Leads to a More Authentic Life
Going through life and only doing things that are “good” for the sake of a “good” outcome is the same as living a falsehood. The thing is - being an objectively good person doesn’t make you an authentic person or even a happy person. You can live your whole life doing everything you’re “supposed” to do and wind up unhappy and alone with no genuine relationships.
No matter which way you cut it, that doesn’t sound very good to me. And it definitely doesn’t sound like expectations of “good” results are matching reality.
Now, when I think about living a good life, I move in ways that I believe are good with all my heart. I’ve realized that “good”ness isn’t about the outcome, it’s about doing what I’m called to do.
My purpose is becoming increasingly different from what I thought it was many years ago. When I was younger, I didn’t listen to the voice inside me. Instead, I looked to what others told me was right and good. I allowed people and organizations to create my personal thoughts, wishes, and choices. I was living someone else’s truth. Not my own.
I don’t listen to those outside voices anymore, but that doesn’t mean they’ve gone away. I still hear them and sometimes what I hear is helpful, but I no longer give them any authority in my life. I am the authority in partnership with my heart and the light of Christ, which guide me on a more unique, authentic, and far happier path than I have ever known.
Now, when I do what could be considered good, it’s not for praise; it's not because I was told to; it’s not because I want to leave a mark on the world as someone who was always a “good” person. I do it because I believe it needs to be done and I’m willing to do it. I am thankful that I have the willpower and freedom to do the things my heart tells me to do. More importantly, I am thankful that these actions make me feel really, really good.