Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.

Connecting During Grief
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

Connecting During Grief

Thanks for being part of this. I intend to bring more content, thoughts and inspiration. My objective is to show what I have learned and gone through without my husband because mine is not a common experience.

Read More
Sundays Are So Different
Janae Thompson Janae Thompson

Sundays Are So Different

I found a video of me asking Grant where he was while we were at the airport. I wanted him to tell the camera audience. How could I have known the meaning of the question “Honey, where are you?” would become so vastly different.

Read More
“I Love You Dad”
Boys Janae Thompson Boys Janae Thompson

“I Love You Dad”

This picture was taken just a few days after his daddy died. He kept trying so hard to do the sign. I was watching every single finger move up.

Read More
Paradox
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

Paradox

I look at my little boys.  I want to give them everything I have.  I want to always be there for them. Even though I know that’s impossible and ridiculous, I try. It’ll be three years in just a few months that their father, my husband and lover will have been gone.  I continue to feel the loss. 

Read More
I’m Having a Baby
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

I’m Having a Baby

No, not me, I’m not having a baby.  I saw a friend's pregnancy announcement on Facebook. It happens all the time. I just happened to notice this one. What affected me about this one is that she is my same age. We started having kids around the same time and she’s still married to her same husband. 

Read More
Do I Really Believe What I Say? No, Not Anymore
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

Do I Really Believe What I Say? No, Not Anymore

Back to that night in the park,  the one I remembered from two weeks before he died, it’s  haunted me since.  Why?  Because there is more to that night, the story and the last thing I said.  When I think back on how I used to think… wow… I can’t believe I said that 2 weeks before he died.  Do I really believe what I say? No, not anymore.  Not when I tell a lie I didn’t think was a lie then, but don’t realize it is until it’s too late. 

Read More
Heart Expansion
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

Heart Expansion

What is a Broken Heart? I remember the first time I had a broken heart. When I really felt pain inside my heart. It was mild compared to what I’ve felt since then, but I didn’t know that yet. It felt like my world had ended.

Read More
Grant’s Last Day Alive
Grant Janae Thompson Grant Janae Thompson

Grant’s Last Day Alive

It started like every other day of our lives.  The ending was like no other day had been.   I will never get the events of that night out of my head. I will never get the feelings of that day out of my heart. The day, it couldn't have been a more tender and sweet last day.  Grant woke early and left around 6 am to go flying.  He loved the morning flight time, just as the sun was rising and the heat hadn’t hit yet.  It invigorated him. 

Read More
Sleeping With Angels
Boys Janae Thompson Boys Janae Thompson

Sleeping With Angels

My little boy is sleeping next to me. Nearly every night one of my boys asks, “Mom, can I sleep with you?” The question always gives me conflict. I see you. A tiny person who wants to be close to the big person who makes you feel safe. Who is safe. The one who they know is their ‘home.’ I fully understand I am their safe place.

Read More
One Dirty Shirt Left
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

One Dirty Shirt Left

Right after Grant died, I realized he, as in his body, would not be around to smell wonderful or terrible anymore. I found myself frantically going through the laundry to see if I could find any clothes that still smelled like him. I needed a shirt or something that still smelled like him. Damn! I was too efficient with the laundry.

Read More