Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.

I Really Loved You
Grant, Janae Janae Thompson Grant, Janae Janae Thompson

I Really Loved You

I really loved you Grant. I did. It’s not that I don’t have love for you. I do. I just realized that the love I once had for you is changed, but it was real when it was what it once was. It was deep, as deep as one can love another.

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Birthdays
Boys Janae Thompson Boys Janae Thompson

Birthdays

My baby turned 5 yesterday. It’s hard for me to say “our” baby now. I don’t know an “our” anymore. He’s now had 3 birthdays without his dad. He got 2 birthdays with him, which was it. This photo was his last birthday with his dad. He won’t remember a birthday with him.

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The Last Picture
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

The Last Picture

Grant had been dead for almost 3 months.

I took the boys to Cornbelly’s. It’s a fall festival with all sorts of fun turn-of-the-season games including a corn maze. It was nearly Halloween. It was the first ‘fun’ thing I’d taken the boys to do on my own.

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What If
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

What If

I keep thinking what if? What if Grant were suddenly given a second chance and came back to life today? He’d be dazed and confused like he was in the twilight zone. But if he were to come back, I’d feel like I were in the twilight zone too.

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