Watching Videos

It’s amazing how watching videos of our lives changes so much after loss. How could I have known the bigger meaning of the question “Honey, where are you?” when I was rhetorically asking Grant at the airport.

I was playing on the idea of ‘where’s Waldo’ with our subscribers. How could I know how it would become so vastly different an answer just a few months after I asked him that question in jest.  I knew exactly where he was when I asked then.

I don’t have an answer to that question anymore. And the truth is, no one KNOWS where he is. There are many beliefs and philosophies on where he might be; but may I share that an answer based on any belief you hold, doesn’t bring any comfort.

It doesn’t make any of the days I wake up to the reality that he is gone easier, every single day. Beliefs about where he is or what he might be doing don’t help me raise the children he left me with alone.

Our children, now my children who now live every real human earthly day without their dad. Belief doesn’t make any of the thousands of other things I do without him easier.

Belief doesn’t stop the heaviness of being alive without a partner who promised to do this life WITH me. Every morning, every day, every night I now do my life, raise the kids and figure out how to do everything without him.