Since My Husband Died

Being alone has shown me how to find who I am without my husband. The journey of losing the person that you love most never ends. It never stops hurting. It often feels like hope is a thing of the past.

Loss creates space to learn more than you would have without the deep hole of what feels like emptiness. Within that emptiness though, comes increased capacity, growing a space greater than anything you could have known was possible.

Within the deep gaping hole of darkness that comes when you lose control of what you thought was true in your life; comes a journey where you learn how to fill that darkness.

I wouldn’t wish that darkness on anyone, but it gives strength and capacity to love more, feel more, and know more than is possible without it. Now, I can’t imagine living without this deep wisdom that only comes with learning to fill the darkness of loss.

How it creates more capacity to feel more deeply than is possible without it, is something I wish everyone could come to know. But one cannot attain it without the heavy price one must pay to become more than is possible without it.

This is the first Memorial Day that I’ve acknowledged since Grant died. All things come in their time. ‘Happy Memorial day honey.’ I planted roses just for you. When I saw their name, “True love” I knew I picked the right ones, for our special spot.

I love you forever!