Bliss

Eat Pray Love, yeah I watched that movie.  Not even all of it, just 10 minutes. That was enough to get it.  What I remember from those 10 minutes was all I needed to get from that movie and I shut it off.  I got the message, now, it’s the next step.

In the movie, a woman goes to Bali to write an article about a medicine man. She meets him. She’s leaving and on her way out, the medicine man runs after her with a picture. He tells her that she’ll lose all her money, get it back one day and that she’ll come back to Bali.

Prophetic? Well… it is a movie so anything they want to happen could happen.  It just so happens though, that the script is based on a true story.  And Julia Roberts is my favorite actress of all time.  And her smile!  It’s what I love most about her.   

That is why she’s my favorite and always has been.  Her smile is contagious.  I smile every time I see her smile.  That’s who I want to be.  A person who gives smiles, like her, but me.  Anyway…. I digress.  Back to the message at hand.

The message?  It’s so cute!  It’s one of my favorite messages.   I remembered it again. It’s the one thing I’m trying to remember all the time and live by. It’s what I experience in her smile and what the remembered in the first 10 minutes of the movie.

 Listen to your heart, not your head.  That was for me. It’s as if I went to Bali and got the message I give everyone. When I talk to other I always say this, but need to hear it myself.  I don’t have anyone to tell me, at least not today.

People say… “I can’t imagine going through what you have.”  I say, “Please don't try to imagine it.” They say, “I’m so sorry.”  I say, “Its ok.  They say, “You’re doing such a good job.” I say, “It’s what you would do too, nothing special.”  They say, “How do you do it?”

My answer? I follow my heart. I repeat this all the time. They say, “How do you really do that?”  I can understand the reason behind the question.  For wanting to see how the practical application of such a platitude is possible.  Is it even possible? 

My heart says, YES!  It’s a simple answer with a more complex commitment. A commitment to understanding and to action on it.    I know it’s through emotions. They are my guide.  I watch and observe how I feel.  I acknowledge it.

I accept it and decide what I want next. If I will keep it? Change it? Do something with it. In this way my heart guides me. As I follow it, life is magical. When I don’t, it’s painful. The night Grant left, I felt in my heart, “I don’t want you to go flying tonight.”

Never even once before that night, but many times since have I felt that.  But that night, that one night; the one where he left and never came back… that night I didn’t say it.  Why? Because I betrayed myself. 

Now, that’s not why he died, it was just a lesson tied to the one thing I do that leads me to a place I don’t want to go.  His death had nothing to do with me.  That’s the truth.  Did I have influence?  Yes, but that’s a different story for a different day. 

Right now, for me, my choice is to focus on what I can do.  So ever since then, I fiercely practice listening and responding to what is going on inside me.  Then, I choose to follow and do what my heart is directing me to.

I’ll tell you, it’s a lot easier to not say “don’t go” than it is to say all of the things to do instead.  My life is much better now. I feel more peace. I know how to follow that inner guidance.  I live in acceptance without trying to out run my feelings anymore.

It’s a place that is what I would call serenity.  Life isn’t perfect, but it’s perfect for me.  I love every aspect of it now. I accept every facet of the brilliance of what the culmination of my life is now.  I love who I am now. I love myself and my life.

I love all the experiences I am given, even when what I’m given is not my immediate preference. Ya know what? It is bliss, all of it is bliss.  I don’t ask outside myself anymore, ‘Help me, tell me what to do, what do I do somebody out there?

I just tell me what to do and I do it.   No, not exactly, rather now I feel.  What do I feel?  Why do I feel it? I ponder to this to myself. Then I ask my heart. I feel again and in feeling again, I hear the response.  Then I know  what to do and I courageously do it.  I can do it.  I will do it. 

I am.  Bliss.  Now I’ll finish the movie and smile while I’m watching.  Bliss.