Hearts Everywhere
I see hearts everywhere now. WHY? Well, as I walked away from the site where Grant crashed, Grant told me he’d send me hearts so I’d know he was watching over me. He wanted me to know he was still loving me, even now that he’s not in this place where I am. “Every time you see a heart, it’s from me,” were the words that came into my heart and mind from him while I was visiting the site of his last place alive and first place dead.
Where he died was our transition point. We were different now. We are not a couple anymore in any way that is comfortable for the mind to consider, but somehow we are still we in some way. We both felt that. It defies worldly logic. It came to my mind, from him. “I’ll send you hearts.” Ok, I thought, not fully consciously comprehending.
While witnessing the last place on earth Grant ever touched, I had a sense of sacred. I gathered rocks in that place that he’d touched down for the last time, marking the outline of where his body rested in the peace of silence and the stillness of death. Visiting this desert of sage and rocks was a transition I needed and it was profoundly difficult too. I came with those close to me, though I stood alone here in this place, in this moment.
As I stood to leave, I looked one last time. I then started walking up the hill to go home, whatever that meant now. It was there the first particular rock caught my eye. It seemed as if it were face down. It’s beautiful underside should have been on top, I remarked to myself.
The colors of it were Grant’s colors. This rock was calling to me, so I reached down and picked it up. I turned it over and couldn’t believe what I saw. A rock shaped like a heart. As if it had just been carved the moment before it caught my eye. There it was, the first heart he gave me. I began to understand. I smiled, “I love you too.
I brought it home to show the boys. I told them, “Daddy will send you hearts too. Every time you see a heart, it’s Daddy saying, “I love you.” Now we see a heart in the clouds or in the shape of a tree or another rock we find and where ever we are, we say, “I love you too dad.”
I’ve found more rocks shaped like hearts on the ground in the mountains, near the water, walking on the sidewalk, in gem shows, and in the backyard. Suddenly it seems they are everywhere. The boys find them too, not just me, we always say, “I love you too dad.”
These hearts pop up in random places; a water spill that takes the shape of a heart, or a log on the fire burning and it’s ash forms a rough heart. The boys delight and say, “I love you too dad.” We saw as an imprint in the grass is in the shape of a heart. We will go hiking and a leaf falls from a tree right in front of me that’s just more heart shaped than the others. Even a shadow that flashes for just a moment looks like the shape of a heart. We always say, “I love you too dad.”
My heart feels comfort and peace every time we see a heart. I marvel that coincidently there are so many present in our space now. Perhaps they were always there and we just didn’t have the eyes to see them. Perhaps they have been placed there specifically now for us. I don’t claim to know how reality becomes what it is. But what I do know is that we see you Grant. We remember and we love you still. We choose to see those little love miracles. Thanks for sending us hearts.