My First Angel Picture

You can believe everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle. I see everything as a miracle. A little baby finds a flower perfectly formed and picks it to show Mommy its beauty. Look at this!  He’s seeing it for the first time in awe.  His impulse is to share it with the one he loves.  That’s a miracle. And his face, that reveals what he sees as a miracle.  Remember that everything can be a miracle if you want to see it that way.  That’s how you get to choose.

Here’s the sign that my belief is my reality.  What you believe, you create as your reality, so why not create miracles every day?  It will make you happy.  I can promise, even in the midst of the most heartbreaking days, it can.  I felt called to the temple, to be in the sunlight and to be in the warmth of the summer and surrounded by my favorite color, white. 

 I still didn’t know what I was doing.  Just living each moment as I could.  Looking for signs of Grant, still not really believing it was true, even when I logically knew it must be.  I went to the Cedar City temple with my dear friend Mandee.  She got me there.  I needed to get away.  I needed to find some peace.  That would only happen if I had another person to be there, she showed up.  A little miracle itself. 

While there, she wanted to get a picture.  She’s always taking pictures.  Annoying at first, now I’ve come to love it and follow it.  I try to take pictures as much and as often as I can, especially of the good times with my kids.  This way I have proof that they had a good childhood! Photographic evidence will be the prominent reminder of how good they had it.  Haha…

The less than photographic moments will fade. They won’t remember me yelling at them. They’ll see the pictures of their smiling faces and think, yeah we did a lot of fun stuff. Thinking, I have a great mom. She did a good job.  This would be a miracle, yes.  At least that’s how it plays out in my mind. 

Back to the photo.  It was so funny.  Every time I’d take her phone and try to pose, this light would appear above me.  When she took her phone at the same angle, it wouldn’t be there.  Then I’d take it and try to take the picture and this light would get right over me. It’d shine onto my face, not hers, just mine.  The shape of the light?   Well, what does it look like?  An angel?  With wings?  Yeah, that’s what I thought too. 

It most certainly was Grant saying hello and photo bombing our girls' picture. He just loved to be the center of attention. Grant was playing with the light. This picture was taken just 14 days after my husband had passed.  At that moment I needed it.  Something to cling to, the idea that he’s still here. He’s not gone.  He’s all around me.  Yes, he is.  And so I got something.  That told me yes, for you it’s true. Here’s a little miracle for you, because that’s what you need and what you need to believe for right now. 

And with that, I saw a miracle.  It was just light reflecting, but the angle, the shape, the timing, and right where my heart needed a little love from the heavens, all at the same time. It was no coincidence.  Just another miracle for the day.  Thanks Grant, for playing with the light today, and reminding me to look for miracles, especially those that show up in the light.