Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Creating the Moments
Regardless of the challenges, I ask myself and my children sometimes, how we can make the best of this? How can I utilize the space and the energy to answer the needs that I and they have?
Control in Life
I really connect deeply with living life today because that’s all there is. My lesson is that there are elements of life of which you don’t actually have any control. You can make plans. You can have goals and dreams.
Fear Is Human
Fear is one of the most significant obstacles in life. It can hold us back from achieving goals, taking appropriate risks, and pursuing our dreams. When we learn to face our fears and overcome them, that ability opens up a whole new world of possibilities.
That Beard, Well Goatee…
I laughed when I saw this picture recently. Mostly because the baby is looking at daddy’s belly button with so much inquisitive curiosity. It's like it’s the best thing he’s found so far. It makes me smile. I didn’t notice what he was looking at with such joy when I took the picture.
Pain Of Betrayal
This particular morning, the day began hard and life kept hitting, hard, as happens sometimes. This day reminded me of what it feels like at the beach on a day when the ocean waves are unrelenting, when they are just pounding the sand. They keep coming, and don’t seem to stop; you gotta survive till you can find a way out or stay out of the water.
My First Angel Picture
You can believe everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle. I see everything as a miracle. A little baby finds a flower perfectly formed and picks it to show mommy its beauty. Look at this! He’s seeing it for the first time in awe. And his impulse is to share it with the one he loves. That’s a miracle. And his face, that reveals what he sees as a miracle. Remember that everything can be a miracle if you want to see it that way. That’s how you get to choose.
Dreams Come True
I had a dream. I saw myself running up a mountain directly from my backyard. I didn’t want to have to hike to the mountain or to run to it or to drive to it or to even walk to it. I wanted to exit my back door, look up and start going up. If I had that mountain, I’d do that every day. It would be my workout too. I would go up as fast as I could. I’d go up that mountain with my heart leading me all the way.
Choice And Change
I moved again. In this last year I’ve moved my children twice. Once to get away from the place Grant died. The second time to get away from the place Grant lived. Both places are not where I can be free to move forward. So, right now as I write this, I’m sitting in the house I just bought all by myself. Alone, just me.
How Am I Doing? Don’t Ask Me
Please stop asking me how am I doing, I have no answer. Friends and family close to me are often asked, “How is Janae doing?” by others who know me. It also comes from those who are thinking of me and have heard my husband died, thus leaving me with 4 little boys. I think people want a connection to me within this raw reality, or a reassurance that I’m ok, but somehow they don’t feel able to ask me themselves.
