Protected With a Partner

Women, how do you feel protected by the masculine in your life? Men, how do you feel about the protection from the feminine in your life? OK I want to talk about a concept. I want to talk about the protection of men and the different roles men and women play in protecting one another. 

I’m out here in my backyard and it's such a beautiful day.  I wanted to get some work done and as I was out here really enjoying being here, I began contemplating some of the things that are important. 

I have been thinking about this sensation I had.  It was as if there was this beautiful amazing protective bubble that just kind of encompassed my whole world while my husband was in it. One of the memories I have, is the second my husband died, I felt his protection just immediately disappear from my life. 

The second he died, it just felt like it disappeared. It was such a potent experience. At the time I don’t think I really truly realized it as I felt it, but looking back it was something that was almost a physical experience. 

It was as if I could have taken my finger and poked this barrier before and then all of the sudden that barrier was gone, just like that. As soon as that happened, another really interesting thing started happening. 

It was as if there were men that could pick up on this barrier that was surrounding me. It was almost as if they could tell it was gone, like; I can get in there now. I felt this protective barrier leave. It was as if I was sending out a signal that I am available. 

Not available for men in particular but it was like, ‘Hey I am vulnerable,’ if that makes sense. And what was so interesting about it that I did not know it at the time, is, the minute that happened; those that were predatory could pick up on that protective barrier being gone.

Now I want to be really clear that definitely not all men are like this. I think there are so many good amazing men out there, far more than predatory ones. That being said, it was really really difficult, especially looking back. 

It showed up in a lot of ways. Somebody in my life was projecting good intentions with underlying motives to take advantage. And you know, I’m a super strong and capable woman and I have been taking care of myself very competently since my husband died. 

And that being said, feeling that protection being lifted from my life has created a lot of heartbreak and difficulty. Things that I have had to learn being a single woman, now being the main protector of me and my children. 

Now, being the main provider for my family without that barrier between me and the world. There was something tangible that my husband provided against the hardships of the world, now I provide all of my own. It’s different. It took some time to learn.