Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.

I Love To Love What I Love
Grant, Janae, Boys Janae Thompson Grant, Janae, Boys Janae Thompson

I Love To Love What I Love

I remember one of the funniest things I ever said on a date with Grant. I say funny as if I am actually funny or something, but my husband got a kick out of this one. We were talking about things that we love.

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Since My Husband Died
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

Since My Husband Died

Being alone has shown me how to find who I am without my husband. The journey of losing the person that you love most never ends. It never stops hurting. It often feels like hope is a thing of the past.

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Heaven Calling
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

Heaven Calling

What should you do when you think heaven is calling? I mean like literally. What would you say if you could talk to your dead loved one, one more time?

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Watching Dad’s Videos
Janae, TKOR, Boys Janae Thompson Janae, TKOR, Boys Janae Thompson

Watching Dad’s Videos

It’s amazing how watching videos of our lives changes so much after loss. My children ask to watch their Dad’s videos often. How I feel watching them now is so different from when I was watching them while he was alive.

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Our Weekly Date Night
Janae, Grant Janae Thompson Janae, Grant Janae Thompson

Our Weekly Date Night

These last 4 years since you died, have been really tough on me. Because of that, I’ve been really angry at you, mostly for leaving me here, alone and to take care of things. It’s left me feeling betrayed and abandoned by you. So I’ve pushed you away. Please forgive me.

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Date Nights with Grant
Janae Thompson Janae Thompson

Date Nights with Grant

Dear Grant,

These 4 years since you died have been tough on me. I’ve been really angry at you and mostly for leaving. I’ve felt betrayed and abandoned by you, so I’ve pushed you away. Forgive me, I want to remember the good times.

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The Wind
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

The Wind

I’m in St. George, Utah this weekend.  I sit here on the porch of our little rental house.  It’s sweet and small, just enough bedrooms and bathrooms for us to be comfortable and nothing more than we need.  

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TKOR, Grant Janae Thompson TKOR, Grant Janae Thompson

Slam Rod Fire Starter Love Letter for Grant

You’ve got the voice in this one, your recording voice. That’s what we called it. It took time to develop it, but it’s a noticeable difference from the first videos. I used to tease you when we relistened to those first videos. You sounded so cute though.

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TKOR, Grant Janae Thompson TKOR, Grant Janae Thompson

Ninja Balls Love Letter

This is what started it all… it’s not the first video listed on TKOR; but it’s the first video we did that began our life of making videos. We did this project first in the backyard of our neighbors house. We didn’t have a backyard of our own yet.

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Critic or Magic
Janae, Grant Janae Thompson Janae, Grant Janae Thompson

Critic or Magic

I used to be so critical of myself.  This picture, after we took it, I remember thinking how frumpy I thought I was.  My hair frizzy and not done, my clothes baggy, my back hunched, my elbows chubby and no make up on. I hated how I looked in those pictures. 

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Motorhome Dreams Dead
Grant Janae Thompson Grant Janae Thompson

Motorhome Dreams Dead

Here’s Grant in our motorhome.  Well, what used to be our motorhome.  I sold it after he died.  I didn’t know how to drive it.  He was going to teach me the weekend after he died, but he was dead, so I didn’t learn to drive it.  

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TKOR Beginnings
Grant, TKOR Janae Thompson Grant, TKOR Janae Thompson

TKOR Beginnings

When we started, The King of Random, it wasn’t even called that, nor TKOR. It was a youtube assigned mixture of numbers.  We had no comprehension of what it would become, how big it would grow, nor how it would become our lives.  We did have an idea that it could, that it was possible.

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Caliber of Woman
Janae Janae Thompson Janae Janae Thompson

Caliber of Woman

I remember the words coming out of your mouth so clearly, Grant… of all that I do, all that I did, and what I mostly heard was only one part of it… ‘What kind of caliber woman would do that?’

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Birthdays
Boys Janae Thompson Boys Janae Thompson

Birthdays

My baby turned 5 yesterday. It’s hard for me to say “our” baby now. I don’t know an “our” anymore. He’s now had 3 birthdays without his dad. He got 2 birthdays with him, which was it. This photo was his last birthday with his dad. He won’t remember a birthday with him.

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In Baby Words
Boys Janae Thompson Boys Janae Thompson

In Baby Words

Just about a week after Grant died, I took the boys back to our previous home. The home we had just moved from 6 months earlier. We had the funeral near there.  We were back in our old house. As I’ve looked back, I found something I wrote about that first week.

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That Beard, Well Goatee…
Grant, Janae Janae Thompson Grant, Janae Janae Thompson

That Beard, Well Goatee…

I laughed when I saw this picture recently. Mostly because the baby is looking at daddy’s belly button with so much inquisitive curiosity. It's like it’s the best thing he’s found so far. It makes me smile. I didn’t notice what he was looking at with such joy when I took the picture.

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Epic Dad
janae, Grant, Boys Janae Thompson janae, Grant, Boys Janae Thompson

Epic Dad

As I’m going through more and more processing, not just my emotions but stuff around my house, I again go through things. Processing and going through boxes really are one and same in so many ways. Upon opening yet a few more forgotten boxes from our move last year, I found these little boys t-shirts that said “I have an Epic Dad.” 

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Grant’s Birthday
Grant, janae Janae Thompson Grant, janae Janae Thompson

Grant’s Birthday

This picture is a screen shot from the video of Grant’s last birthday. He turned 38 in this picture. We had just finished singing Happy Birthday and our son added the part that goes… “ and many more of them too… and many more of them too… and many more happy birthdays, many more of them too!”

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