Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Angry, Tired and Happy
I wake up every morning and the first thing I think is, “Grant’s not here.” I go through my day and list the things I’ll be doing without him. I list what he’ll be missing and all the extra things I have to do because he’s now dead and not here to help me do the things he used to do. He used to help me, and our family.
Sacred Space
Six days after Grant died - family, a couple friends and I hiked to the crash site. The place of his final moments on earth. The last place he touched as a living person before the impact of that touch changed him from a physically alive living person to a physically dead living person. The site is in the middle of nowhere.
I Saw A Flash of Movement
I saw a flash of movement. It was fast and it was dark. My oldest boy had just taken off on the one-wheel. I instinctively knew he was headed to the park. Anger flashed in my heart as I saw him fly down the street. He wasn’t wearing a helmet. It was dark. He was not wearing pants.
Christmas Present
Being Present. That is the best Gift you can give. Ever. I know. I remember the times I wasn’t present while Grant was alive. Now he’s gone and I wish I could go back and relish those moments I didn’t cherish in the moment, not knowing that they would end. Then, I was unconsciously feeling that not every moment mattered, taking them for granted, taking so much for granted. When I say that now I laugh. Such a potent reminder now, I’ve lost what I took for GRANTed. It’s gone. He’s gone.
The 2nd Year Is Harder
Grant,
In 2 days it will be your birthday. You’d be 40, but you’re dead, so you won’t be. You stopped aging at 38. You managed to immortalize yourself in your youthfulness, before your age really started to show, before you were affected by all the life lessons and joys of growing older. Congratulations.
