Flowers For Mom
My son comes in with flowers for mom. Dandelions. That beautiful bouquet of dandelions! My heart melts each time I see it. And to have that little plastic heart ring around one of the stems is so precious. Then when I look at him, he’s just gorgeous. I am biased, yes, I know. I’m his mom. So I will be and it’s ok.
They are abundant. Everywhere we go there is a yellow blossom to be seen. He’s drawn to its bright color and picks it every time. A smile lights up his face as he plucks it from the grass and stands back up. He looks up at me, runs to where I am and gives it to me as that gorgeous smile widens!
I smile back at him, gasp with joy and say… “OH! For me?!?!” He hands it to me and leans in to kiss my cheek with an, “I love you mom.” He whispers with that smile that lights up for miles. I’m filled with awe and wonder at how lucky I am to be the recipient of this. The love that’s exchanged… it’s a beautiful thing.
What do I see? I see a little boy so full of love, generosity and the desire to share it. He is my child that is so full of love, it cannot be contained with the cells of his small body. It spills out of him continuously in happiness, laughter and constant “I love you’s” not only to me but many others who interact with him.
He gives a dandelion he picked to others as well and it also comes with those words of love. Everywhere he goes, it’s I love you mom. I love this walk. I love the grass. I love you brother. I love you to friends, acquaintances, work associates and even the stranger who stopped to ask him a few questions then smiled at him.
When he does this, their eyes widen. It’s a little shock or surprise and then you can see their hearts melt with that feeling of awe. And a thank you in their eyes. That flash shows of the innate human desire within all of us to be loved. It happens to each of us when we hear love, see love, feel love and receive love.
Then… the next layer of the experience. I see the friend or acquaintance or stranger’s ability to accept love, the unconditional kind. It’s fascinating to watch. Anyone who just meets Jayce or is around, within minutes, hours or days, (not much time really) he looks up with sincere eyes and says, “I love you.”
It’s real, genuine and completely innocent and unadulterated. Most importantly, it’s without any strings attached. His motive is not to get anything in return or manipulate or even hope for an outcome from it. He’s simply sharing it because he feels it. True love. How can he know? How can he feel it? It is him, that’s how.
The receiver of his unexpected “I love you” usually pauses for just a moment, after the initial smile, deciding what to do. I can see the thoughts going through their mind… Do I say it back? Do I say thank you? Why is he saying that to me? What should I do? I don’t want to give him the wrong impression and so on.
What is his motive? This is the question I see in them. Along with, how do I react to it? It’s a question that shows how many parts of them have layered on conditions to love. For some it’s how they can accept it unabashedly. For others, they seem to feel uncomfortable because they don’t know how to receive it or feel it or share it. They don’t know love like he does.
What I know about Jayce? His motive is he feels it and wants to share it. It’s nothing beyond that. He is perfect in knowing what he feels and he’s not afraid to share it. He doesn’t hold back. He doesn’t question what he feels. He is it and so he lives it without fear. The next natural process in his innocent human heart is to give it away because he feels it even more when he does. He already knows how to grow it.
As we have experiences, there are so many questions that begin to cover up the pure, unadulterated example of who we all used to be, just like him. Pure love. Now what we feel is coated in questions, conditions, circumstances, insecurity and so many more questions. It is so much so that we don’t know what we feel anymore and question it till it feels wrong or till it goes away.
Sometimes we judge it till it becomes something inauthentic. Then we learn, we can stay safe. And yet safe is not connect in truth nor with those around us. This is how we can justify not saying “I love you” anymore. We build our walls and hold back. He is not capable of holding it back. He can’t lie to himself or me, not yet.
So when I get these dandelions from a little boy who picks them with all the joy this life is capable of giving. And when that same boy runs to me to give his momma a flower, I love it. I feel the intense love. I feel so lucky to be in his presence. I feel beyond blessed to be his mamma. I learn from his purity.
He’s lost as much and maybe more than I have, yet, he’s not in that feeling of loss or sadness. He is in the wonder of life. He is loving and enjoying almost everything. I wonder, can I have that back? Where do I find it? Then I realize, I see it in him. He’s showing me.
In him the answer comes, learn the lessons this 4 year old still knows. Remember, because you once knew. Let it be ok to love even in the questions, the conditions, and the experience. Those experiences of pain and joy and hurt and happy are all here to teach love, not take it away.