Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
The First Time I Left Them
I was so afraid to leave them for the first time, after their dad died. I had to take a picture before I left. It was just in case it was the last time I saw them. I wanted to make sure to have that last moment with me captured. We didn’t have that when dad died.
TKOR Beginnings
When we started, The King of Random, it wasn’t even called that, nor TKOR. It was a youtube assigned mixture of numbers. We had no comprehension of what it would become, how big it would grow, nor how it would become our lives. We did have an idea that it could, that it was possible.
Caliber of Woman
I remember the words coming out of your mouth so clearly, Grant… of all that I do, all that I did, and what I mostly heard was only one part of it… ‘What kind of caliber woman would do that?’
Party For Grant
The 3 year anniversary of Grant’s passing has come and gone. On the previous two anniversaries of this day, I just try to get through the day as if it’s nothing, because it isn’t a day I want to remember.
Every Light In The House Is On
At the beginning of July, as we approached the 3 year anniversary of your death, a song from a long time ago kept running through my mind. It was a song that I listened to as a teenager when I loved country music.
I Remember When It Was Just Us
I remember when it was just us. It was you and I. There was nothing that didn’t work for us. You and me, me and you and we smiled. Flower leis, travel and so many things for us to discover together. This was one of your favorite places, Hawaii.
Brother Power
I hear the sweet sounds of boys laughing. What I see is the most beautiful sight. The big brother reading to the little brother. I’ve been worried about big brother’s reading. Then we found a book series he loves. He can’t get enough of it.
Grateful
For so long, I’ve felt angry. So angry at Grant for leaving us the way he did. It was so selfish. It was his fault. I’ve not felt mad at God at all because I’ve squarely blamed Grant for all of it. But, I don’t like it. I'm not happy in those feelings. Yet, it’s so easy to go that direction…
This Will Kill You
Inside of me, there were words, coming from the ache in my stomach. My stomach really hurt. It was a real physical stomach ache, but I didn’t know why it hurt so badly. I get them every once in a while, but this time is was different.
10 Years Ahead
In 2019, when Grant died. I was grasping for absolutely anything. I bought this calendar, a 10 year planner. I needed to plan the next 10 years of my life, to be able to get through that day I bought it. I started doing just that. The first thing I wrote in it was the anniversary of Grant’s death.
Graduation
This little boy graduated from preschool. He’ll start kindergarten this school year. It’s too fast. He was 2 when you left and now he’s 5, graduating from preschool and on to the next thing. I do everything without you. I keep going and going.
Incomplete Grief
It’s those things you didn't get to say before you didn't have the chance anymore. Of course you didn’t know you wouldn’t have the chance. The human brain seems to think that things won’t change. Although the evidence that is constant is, that change is the only thing constant.
