Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Loss Creates Space
It never stops hurting and often feels like hope is a thing of the past.
Since My Husband Died
Being alone has shown me how to find who I am without my husband. The journey of losing the person that you love most never ends. It never stops hurting. It often feels like hope is a thing of the past.
Grant Was My Safe Place
He was my safe place. Our world lived and grew within itself. It created a story that was never going to end, until it did. My rock, my safety left the earth world, our family world and our TKOR world all in one instance.
Training Up a Child Part 1
Growth is Magical! Ok, maybe not magical, but it always feels miraculous. I still bask in wonder as I witness the newness of life. Everytime. When my babies were born, my chicks hatched, my plants and flowers sprouted and bloomed…
Lens Of Grief
I realized another thing recently. A part of that dichotomy I described before of seeing beauty and feeling pain together and they are one and the same in me, existing together with no separation.
I’m Used To My Life Now
I’m used to my Life now. When change is the only constant in your life and you think, once I get to a certain place, then I’ll be able to… fill in the blank_________________ (relax, take that vacation, retire, play with my kids, visit my mom, keep the house clean, live my dream), you are thinking wrong.
Do I still love Grant?
Do Still love Grant? That’s easy, no. I don’t. I sure don’t feel it anyway. Part of that is out of sight out of mind and that is exacerbated by him dying the way he did. Part of it is me wanting to punish him for it by forgetting him because I felt he forgot about me by leaving me the way he did. I feel like he abandoned his boys.
Heart Expansion
What is a Broken Heart? I remember the first time I had a broken heart. When I really felt pain inside my heart. It was mild compared to what I’ve felt since then, but I didn’t know that yet. It felt like my world had ended.
Powerful You
Imagine with me an alternate place…
A place that knows and reveals ALL things both in heaven and on earth and in the human heart as well. Would you want to be around or near this place? Would you dare to? Would you believe it was real? Would you want to know where this place is? I would!
Choice And Change
I moved again. In this last year I’ve moved my children twice. Once to get away from the place Grant died. The second time to get away from the place Grant lived. Both places are not where I can be free to move forward. So, right now as I write this, I’m sitting in the house I just bought all by myself. Alone, just me.
