Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Since My Husband Died
Being alone has shown me how to find who I am without my husband. The journey of losing the person that you love most never ends. It never stops hurting. It often feels like hope is a thing of the past.
Will It Stop Hurting
I sat in my backyard. Alone. The moon was full and radiating light that illuminated the yard in the darkness in only the way a full moon can. It felt like that moonlight pierced the darkness in a way that fought so strongly against the darkness taking over.
Paying For Mistakes Part II
Rhys’ additions to the wall didn’t end with his query into more changes. He felt he could do it himself. I’m guessing that last part where I said we’d have someone come to help went into the abyss of information a child cuts from his consciousness once he hears the answer he wants.
Do I still love Grant?
Do Still love Grant? That’s easy, no. I don’t. I sure don’t feel it anyway. Part of that is out of sight out of mind and that is exacerbated by him dying the way he did. Part of it is me wanting to punish him for it by forgetting him because I felt he forgot about me by leaving me the way he did. I feel like he abandoned his boys.
Pain Of Betrayal
This particular morning, the day began hard and life kept hitting, hard, as happens sometimes. This day reminded me of what it feels like at the beach on a day when the ocean waves are unrelenting, when they are just pounding the sand. They keep coming, and don’t seem to stop; you gotta survive till you can find a way out or stay out of the water.
Powerful You
Imagine with me an alternate place…
A place that knows and reveals ALL things both in heaven and on earth and in the human heart as well. Would you want to be around or near this place? Would you dare to? Would you believe it was real? Would you want to know where this place is? I would!
I See Your Beauty
I don’t know why but for some reason I have a constant desire to love. The kind of love that is unconditional. And I do. A lot of the time anyway. When I see you, I see what you’re becoming. I didn’t realize this until today. I was given such a beautiful day, and at the end of the day, I realized why this ordinary day was so beautiful. It’s because I don’t see people as they are right now.
The 2nd Year Is Harder
Grant,
In 2 days it will be your birthday. You’d be 40, but you’re dead, so you won’t be. You stopped aging at 38. You managed to immortalize yourself in your youthfulness, before your age really started to show, before you were affected by all the life lessons and joys of growing older. Congratulations.
No Risk No Fun…
When Grant first took this picture, I thought it was funny. Yeah I thought, to risk is to live fully. That’s what it means, right? To not watch from the sidelines. To live fully is fun. Yes there is risk in action, participation and trying new vistas in life, but that doesn’t mean inappropriate risk or foolish choices. It means to take a chance at something new and different and outside current knowledge and comforts.
