Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Sorry Doesn’t Help-Grief Part IV
It's almost always the first thing people say when I tell them I lost my husband. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “Thank you" I say and try to move on because I don’t want to wallow in the sorry.
Ask Different Questions-Grief Part III
When people ask me, “How are you doing?” the automatic response is “good, fine” etc. After my husband died when I heard that question it was a different answer in my mind.
Keep Coming Back-Grief Part II
The people who kept coming back made all the difference. The ones who didn’t give up on me. When you keep coming around; even though the grieving person isn’t the most fun company or doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts or is just plain negative to be around; don’t let it get you down.
How to Help a Person in Grief Part l
A person in grief usually doesn’t know what they need or want. When someone asked, what can I do? I usually didn’t know. I can’t tell you how many times someone said, ‘I’ve been thinking about you.
How to Help a Person in Grief
It is different for everyone. No matter what the situation; when grief is present, the human emotion of suffering loss, it is deep and unexplainable. It is a feeling that can only be shared by those who have lost. Everyone experiences grief on some level and as life goes, it gets deeper and deeper.
Training Up a Child Part III
As I trained the new grapevines, I could almost hear, ‘just remember Janae, remember where you came from. Remember this blood, our family, you, me; who we are, and how I am with you.’
Training Up a Child Part II
As I worked with the grape vines and trained them up to the direction I want to guide them; I love this vine even more. That vision I see for them of a lush porch garden, becomes what I see instead of now.
Training Up a Child Part 1
Growth is Magical! Ok, maybe not magical, but it always feels miraculous. I still bask in wonder as I witness the newness of life. Everytime. When my babies were born, my chicks hatched, my plants and flowers sprouted and bloomed…
The King of Random
That name… The King Of Random… where did it come from?! Some say it’s a little self-aggrandizing. Grant worried about that but; after all the other options and most of the ones he really liked being already taken, he decided on that one.
Badass Mom
I am a Badass Mom. Ya know why? I caught this rattlesnake!! And I did it with a pole and my bare hands. Riley was there with the bucket to put over top, so I gotta give him some credit too. It was actually Riley who helped the most.
Three Years Happened
Tonight I realized something. As I write, it’s the day that marks 3 years since Grant died, July 2019. On this day, I have just come back from my daily walk in a neighborhood that still feels foreign to me, even though I’ve lived here 2 years . It was the first thing I did, find a walking path that I could make mine.
Keep Smiling
It was as if Grant was there laughing with me. When it came to the one thing he wanted to say to me, he let me know. It's all good he was saying, ‘ I’ll take the shitty bathroom, you just keep smiling Janae.’
A Love Note to Whom I Love Most
Do you See Me? I see you. I sit quietly, observing you. You don’t notice me and that’s ok. My life is very different from yours, so I don’t expect you to understand. I understand where you are, even though you may think I don’t, and perhaps I don’t.
Critic or Magic
I used to be so critical of myself. This picture, after we took it, I remember thinking how frumpy I thought I was. My hair frizzy and not done, my clothes baggy, my back hunched, my elbows chubby and no make up on. I hated how I looked in those pictures.
Birthdays and Milestones
I turned 40 this month. It seems to be a milestone birthday. I remember when my mother turned 40. I thought she was old. For her birthday, friends and family got a coffin to decorate with, and also a lot of all black.
Am I Over Him?
You’re still not over that? The death of my husband? No, I’m not yet over it, thanks for asking. In fact, I won’t ever “get over it.”
Fire With a Water Bottle
The first posted video on our channel, ever, was how to light a fire with a water bottle. At the time, we lived in this tiny basement apartment we were renting. It was 2008 and YouTube was a new platform that some people were using, but it certainly was not the go to like it is now.
Motorhome Dreams Dead
Here’s Grant in our motorhome. Well, what used to be our motorhome. I sold it after he died. I didn’t know how to drive it. He was going to teach me the weekend after he died, but he was dead, so I didn’t learn to drive it.
